I've started this post... 21 times? Normally when I sit down to write a blog post (which I realize has been a pathetic number of times since Olivia was born-I know, I know, I'm BAAAAHD), I just... start writing. I've had posts that have been hard to write, sure. Ones that have made me cry. And when I'm feeling uninspired (which contrary to what you may believe is 90% of the time) I just... don't write. I've never been one to post a post just to post. Every post I write on here has meaning. More or less.
This is by far the hardest post I've ever had to write. And if you think I'm just overreacting or being dramatic...
You're probably right.
That made me sound like a pathetic narcissistic train wreck. (I do fully realize that I am a pathetic narcissistic train wreck. I have a blog, for the love God. And I'm teaching my daughter the art of a good selfie.)
A point. I haz it.
I've been thinking. And planning. And hashing things out with a few of my super cool writer friends (you know, the ones who are way better writers than I and don't ramble and make up words and take FOR-EVER to get to the point).
This blog. Tis going away.
Ok, it's not going away at all. Narcissistic pathetic train wreck. See above.
This blog has been a huge part of my life. I started it in 2012, three years into my infertility journey, and right before we made the move to see an RE. This blog has recorded failed IUIs, failed IVFs. It was my outlet for losing my first baby. It has recorded the journey I took to donor eggs and all the fears that a future baby created this way was something to be grieved. It was there for my positive pregnancy tests with Olivia. It faithfully remained while I wrote weekly about my pregnancy. It captured the birth of my miracle last November. It is now a history of her month-by-month updates and my first year as a parent.
Some people will call it "just another infertility blog." And when I created it, four years ago, it was "just an infertility blog." A place to record the stuff I was going through.
But then I met you guys. You who, commented, who cried with me, who cheered me on. Some of you I have had the immense pleasure to meet in real life. I'm Facebook friends with... God I can't even give a number. I have a box in my craft room (yes, I have a craft room) full of "infertility" stuff. Transfer socks. Cards. Trinkets from gift exchanges.
This has become so much more than "just a blog."
Infertility is still a big part of my life. Life I said before, I'm still infertile. We're still going back to Texas in over a year from now. Nothing there has changed.
And yet everything's changed.
Is this a parenting blog now? It sure isn't about infertility and the shooting down of storks anymore.
And so here, at long last, is my point.
I'm not quitting blogging. No way. I'm way too much of an attention whore for that nonsense. But I think I've outgrown this space. And I've struggled with this for awhile now. I could keep everything the same, the status quo and continue to write about whatever I want, which let's be honest, is Olivia. And the occasional vagina post.
Or I could still blog about those things and keep my writing the same, but revamp the space. For the better of course. After all, lots of bloggers do it. Start a new blog. Move their blog over somewhere else. I wonder how many struggle with the feelings about it. Leaving this blog behind and starting from scratch for me is out of the question. This is a record of my journey. I can't give that up.
But making the decision to rebrand myself didn't come easy. So there will be a new blog coming. I'm shooting for it to be up and going by January 1st, 2017. It works with my Type-A OCD. And maybe if I put it out there in writing, I will actually feel the pressure to hold myself to it.
It won't be Who Shot Down My Stork? anymore. It will be something else. But I hope you'll like it. I hope you follow me over.
Those of you who follow me on Facebook, let's be honest, this really won't affect you at all. My page on there will still be there, only it will change from Who Shot Down My Stork? to my name, Risa Kerslake. I'll still be posting my links on there of new posts.
For those of you still reading from Wordpress or Blogger or some other non-Facebooky way, I hope you'll follow me over even though Twitter rules and blog posts over 140 characters drool. (Though being that I just finally joined Instagram (follow me!) after not posting anything since 2012, I'm sure it's a matter of time before I join Twitter.) I used to hate hashtags or at the very least, not understand them. Now I'm like "HASH ALL OF THE TAGS!" Seriously. Why have I not joined more social media platform before? Oh right, that's because I was adding widgets to my blog and writing letters by hand.
Anyway. So maybe you finally read through this huge post and are now thinking, So she's moving. So what?
I don't know. It's hard giving up my identity that has been here with me for four years. I mean, I'm "that stork blogger." But... I'm not that stork blogger anymore. Even if I'm not ready to admit that. When people find my blog, I don't want them to see "Stork" and think it a safe infertility blog and then see Olivia plastered all over it. Likewise, I don't want to turn away parenting bloggers or people who have not gone through infertility because I'm an infertility blog. You know?
So stay tuned. In between my numerous posts (heh.) between now and the end of the year, I will be reminding you guys. I will make sure I have you all good and prepared to move on with me. Because you know, it's always about me.
Labels: Adam, blog, donor egg, Grief, Inspirational, IUI, IVF, life, Olivia