We went to the apple orchard this weekend. We go every year. The only difference this year was the fact that my baby, finally, was able to be in attendance.
There are a ton of apple orchards/pumpkin patches around the cities, but for some reason we've never been anywhere else. I grew up going to this particular orchard. Every year. First as a child, then as a teenager where I was able to bring my best friend (because my mom probably thought I wouldn't go otherwise), and then finally with Chris, both while we were dating and well into the married years.
I think I always felt the absence of her more fully here than anywhere else.
I mean, sure, Christmas was always difficult while in the throes of
infertility. Mother's Day made me want to hide. There are a lot of
holidays centered around children. There are a lot of outdoor events centered around children.
For myself, the apple orchard was The Place I wanted to be with my baby. I wanted her to experience the tractor ride, the corn maze. I wanted to pick out a pumpkin for her.
For six years I rode the tractor with my family, and walked the maze holding Chris's hand.
We cruised the pumpkin patch and ate apple pie with cinnamon ice cream. All with my heart breaking into a million pieces. Next year, I'd think to myself, next year hopefully I'll be pregnant or have a baby with me. Maybe the next IUI will be it. Maybe this next IVF will be successful.
Last year was good. Last year I was pregnant and my heart.. didn't feel like breaking.
But this year. This year was better. Olivia will have no recollection of this day. Her only memory of her first trip to the apple orchard will be the pictures she sees of herself as she grows up.
But I will always keep this day close to my heart.
She had a blast. She loved the tractor ride. Actually, she liked watching the tractor wheel more.
She got plenty of love and kisses from her Grandma and Grandpa and two aunties. The weather was beautiful.
We won apples from the word-scramble inside the maze and Olivia thought eating one was pretty much the greatest thing ever.
The best part was finding a pumpkin for her. Not that she really seemed to care because Apple. She did at least humor us by giving it a three second curious peek before returning to her snack.
I bought her a costume off a local FB garage sale site, which was great because it will literally be worn for two hours. I'm so ready for Halloween.
It's fall, y'all.
Labels: Family, Holidays, life