Thoughts on Motherhood

I had a lot of qualms about this post.  I have already seen some posts on Facebook infertility groups saying how much they hate Mother's Day and how excluded they feel.

"Mother's Day reminds me of how I am not a mother yet, and everyone has to rub it in my face."  That's been the gist of the posts.  So I am sitting here now, trying to write this post, gritting my teeth, holding my breath, hoping that Fertiles will still read this and not think, well here comes the whining.

How do I feel about Mother's Day?  To tell you the truth, I have felt a little sad these past four years, watching my friends, family and acquaintances become mothers without me.  But Mother's Day to me was always about my mom, and making this day about her.  It was about picking out cards, giving her a gift, taking pictures with her and my sisters.

Yes, Mother's Day always reminded me of what I didn't have.  That I wasn't a mother.  But celebrating my own mom was always at the forefront.  The woman who loved me unconditionally, who loved me before I was even born.  The one who would do anything for me. Would give her life for me.  The woman who had big plans for my life.  Who always tried to make my dreams come true.  The one who always dried my tears and told me everything would be ok.

And now I sit here, on a king-sized bed in a hotel in Iowa on vacation, watching my husband eat his body weight in Pringles, and think, why not me?

What about the mother whose child has died?  Is she still considered a mother?

What about the mother who felt life move within her, and then no more?  Can she still be a mother?

What about the mother whose daughter is estranged from her?  Is she still called Mom?

What about the woman who has never had a child?  Who has never experienced a pregnancy?  Surely she isn't a mother.

After all, what is a mother, but one who loves their children unconditionally, who loved them before they were even born. The one who would do anything for their child.  Would give their lives without a second thought to protect their child.  The one who has big dreams for their child.  One who dries her own tears, and tells herself that everything will be ok.

Does a woman have to hold a child in her arms, to be a mother?

This weekend, I celebrate my mom.

I celebrate my mother-in-law, who raised a respectful, kind, and devastatingly handsome son to give to me.

I celebrate moms who chase their children around the backyard.

I celebrate the moms who felt the joy of a positive pregnancy test for a fleeting moment in time.

I celebrate the moms who had to bear the unimaginable pain of losing a child too soon.

I celebrate the moms whose babies are still waiting to come to Earth.

I celebrate the moms with children in Heaven.   

We are all mothers.

Happy Mother's Day.

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