For the last month, I have been anxiously waiting. And
not in the way a girl anxiously awaits her wedding day. More as in the girl who
has been through four embryo transfers without any success. I made it through
each ultrasound this cycle, even as my estrogen dropped lower than they wanted
and I was in danger of a cancelled cycle. But then it rose, not to around
200-something like I thought, but to over 2,000 since adding the vaginal
estrogen pill at night (I thought it was a typo in my patient portal). Once I
knew we were a go, the next thing to focus on was the fertilization report,
which we found out Saturday that 6 of the 8 eggs fertilized.
We left my sister’s Tuesday morning and met our
friend, Celina, in Houston, and drove together down to the Gulf to the beach
house we were all renting for the week. I mean, what better place to do my
bedrest than on the ocean? I was doing a great job at not thinking about the
transfer. About what it would mean if there were no embryos. If the embryos
weren’t a good quality. We ate at a fantastic seafood restaurant on the coast
the night before and then spent the rest of the evening unpacking, and
star-gazing. It wasn’t until I was in bed, listening to the waves crashing
outside my window that I did something that I haven’t done in awhile: I prayed.
And I decided right then and there that I was going to give this worry to God
and put it in His hands. And then I fell asleep and woke up and ate breakfast
and then we were off to the clinic in Houston for a 12:45 transfer.
The nurse called us back and took my blood pressure
(high-I wonder why) and asked how my bladder felt after drinking 36 oz of water
(very full, thank you very much). We changed into our surgical garb, the nurse
gave me the Motrin and Valium and we were left waiting for Dr. G.
Guess what? My hands weren’t clammy. I wasn’t sitting
there, wringing my hands wondering if we had embryos. “We have embryos,” I told
Chris, “They wouldn’t take us this far if there were no embryos.” I laughed and
cracked jokes with Chris and changed positions frequently because my bladder
felt like it was going to ZOMGEXPLODE!
Then the doctor came through the curtain. By this time
I was flying high from the Valium and gushed to Dr. G., “I am SO glad to see
you!”
He broke into a huge smile and shook our hands, “I
have great news for you guys!”
“Are you serious?” My smile faltered and I started
feeling the prick of tears.
He nodded his head. I can’t even remember all of what
he said. But he told us we have two beautiful embryos, blasts, and they looked
amazing. He said we have another blast (a day 5 embryo) and a morula, which he
said he was confident, could catch up. “I think you could even have 1 or 2 left
to freeze.”
And acting in true Risa fashion, I put my hands to my
face, my head down and burst into tears.
“Are you serious?” I kept asking through my tears.
He told me we have two to transfer unless I wanted to
do one.
I waved my hand at him, “Go big or go home.”
He smiled again, “Excellent.”
The thing I love about my doctor is that he is
incredibly sweet and kind-hearted. But he is also honest and he doesn’t
sugar-coat things. So when he is excited about this, it means he has reason to
be excited.
I stared at Chris through my tears and just kept
repeating over and over, “We have two. They’re perfect. They’ve never been
perfect before.” And then I laughed and cried some more and then it was time to
take me back to transfer them.
It couldn’t have gone any better, you guys. Our first
IVF, with Adam, we had one three day embryo because that’s all there was. IVF
#2 and #3 each had one embryo each, behind. Donor transfer #1 had two embryos
each 1 and 2 days behind. Ask me if I ever had a glimmer of freezing leftover
embryos and I would go into hysterics. Chris and I, we don’t make good embryos.
Now I am sitting, laying rather, here in the living
room of a beach house in Galveston, with no Internet service with two beautiful
well-developed embryos and I have two more in the lab continuing to grow. I am
in awe, you guys. I feel like for the first time in a month I can breathe
without the panic in my chest that this cycle is going to go south like every
other cycle before it. I actually feel (be still my heart) that I am going to
come out of this with a baby or two.
Labels: Adam, blood pressure, Doctor Appointment, embryo, Inspirational, IVF, strength, transfer
