Let me show you my psycho

4:07am: Wake up. Have to pee. Swallow thyroid med. Hope a full glass of water doesn't make me barf.

5:15am: Husband rolls out of bed. Momentary flash of anger for waking me up.

6:47am: Wake up. Pee.

8:45am: Must get up. Must do shot. Pee.

8:49am: Inject Lovenox. Fingers crossed for no giant bruise by the end of the day.

9:07am: Eat whatever doesn't make me want to gag for breakfast.

9:15am: Swallow 7 pills in order of importance in case I gag. Curse infertility for so many pills.

9:43am: Google 6 week US images. Just because.

9:44am: Is that really what the baby looks like?

10:00am: Pee.

10:03am: Catch glimpse of 5w4d belly in bathroom mirror. Awww!

10:06am: Catch glimpse 5w4d belly in full-length mirror while brushing hair. Gross.

10:15am: Google pregnancy symptoms.

10:17am: Is the baby really in there? Am I just fat and like to eat?

10:30am: Pee.

10:57am: Pee. Damn coffee. Damn water.

11:12am: Feel hungry again.

11:14am: Nope. Too tired to get off couch.

12:02pm: Ok, I'm getting really hungry. Also slightly nauseous.

12:08pm: Ew. Nothing in this house sounds good.

12:10pm: Debate going out for fast food.


12:22pm: Pee. Urine not pale yellow. Chug more water.

12:25pm: Ok, seriously I need to eat something. I don't feel good.

12:30pm: Make quesadilla. Hold back gag when I open jar of salsa.

12:40pm: Scarf quesadilla at alarming rate.

1:00pm: Google beta calculator. Enter in last two betas.

1:02pm: What does this shit even mean?

1:03pm: Swear off Google for the day.

1:10pm: Fall asleep on couch. Mouth may have been open.

2:07pm: Wake up. Pee. Drink more water.

2:14pm: Husband texts. Wants grocery list written. Everything sounds disgusting.

2:15pm: Text back that everything sounds disgusting.

2:17pm: Husbands texts back and says he understands, but could I please make a list because he doesn't have anything for lunches for work.

2:18pm: Consider texting back: I'M CARRYING YOUR CHILD JERKFACE!

2:25pm: Make grocery list.

2:54pm: Do dishes. Feel accomplished for the day.

3:10pm: Pee. Study toilet paper for signs of blood.

3:11pm: Panic that I will lose the baby.

3:22pm: Nod off while watching TV.

5:02pm: Husband home from work and wakes me up. Says I was snoring. Resist urge to punch him.

5:40pm: Is it time for bed yet?

5:44pm: Eat dinner. Slight nausea.

6:02pm: Time for PIO injection!

6:08pm: Scream into pillow as husband massages injection sites on butt. Think I am going to die.

6:09pm: How I am going to do these injections for 7 more weeks?

7:03pm: OMG! I am so pregnant! Rub fat roll lovingly.

7:42pm: Took a walk. That's exercise. Reward myself with ice cream. And a girl scout cookie.

8:09pm: Pee. This is fucking ridiculous.

8:26pm: Stare at clock. It's not weird to want to go to bed now, right?

8:27pm: Take evening meds. Lay on husband's lap while he plays video games.

8:28pm: He's probably enjoying me falling asleep so early so he can play his video game. Assface.

8:34pm: Fall asleep on husband's lap.

9:45pm: Husband wakes me up. Tells me to go up to bed.

9:47pm: Pee.

9:49pm: Eat five saltines.

9:52pm: In bed. Can't sleep on side. Boobs feel like bowling balls.

9:54pm: Roll onto back. Squeal when I roll over injection sites on butt.

10:05pm: Asleep for real.

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