I'm a big girl. Donor eggs don't scare me.

I was browsing through my blog last night.  I don't know, I do that every once in awhile.  Looking thought the old posts, snickering to myself periodically, thinking, "Ah geez, I'm hilarious." Then I'll hit on a post that gets too real for me.  Like this one.  I see my old pregnancy tests, back when Adam was growing and dividing in me, and think, "This is so fucking unfair."

It's fucking unfair.

I'm thankful I still can keep a (relative) sense of humor while I face the fact that baby-making is not coming as easy as it should.  I can crack Chris up with sex jokes.  Mostly ones having to do with the fact that sex doesn't work for us anymore.  Now I need science.  And even then, I don't have a great track record.  But you have to have a sense of humor.

A couple nights ago, we were talking about next steps, trying to plan out when next cycles could happen.  Seeing my husband, bent over my Period Tracker app on my cell phone, brows furrowed in concentration trying to figure out when I will get my period in October... I tell you..

You have to have a sense of humor.

Here's the thing.  We are down to two decisions.

1) Frozen donor eggs or
2) Fresh donor eggs.

A couple weeks ago, another blogger friend introduced me to the idea of a clinic in Texas doing their own frozen donor egg program.  8 frozen eggs, $15,000.  She loves the clinic and heard they also have this program for donor eggs.  We have a phone consult with one of the docs down there on Monday.

We met with our doctor here on Wednesday.  Conclusion #1: I have shitty eggs.  Conclusion #2: Donor eggs are my best bet.  Prior to the consult with him, we met with our clinic's donor coordinator.  Long story short, a fresh donor cycle gives us a 73% chance of getting pregnant.  Their goal is to get us 8-15 eggs.  Rarely do couples not have embryos left over to freeze.  $19,000 plus medications, totaling about $24,000.  If we did this, odds are, we would have embryos left over to freeze, to give our future child a sibling.

I know the odds of using frozen eggs verses fresh leads to poorer outcomes.  But it's cheaper.  I know Texas gives us a couple months' wait instead of the 7 month wait list for fresh donor eggs from my clinic.

Talk about coming to a cross road.  Having to make a decision.  We are still doing our phone consult for Texas on Monday, but that 73% success rate is hard to ignore.

We know for sure we can eliminate Attain's donor egg program.  This is what I love about my doctor.  I brought up the fact that I am glad I did Attain for my own IVF's because the two cycles on their dollar clearly didn't work and we were refunded that money.  I was distraught about the $45K price tag for Attain this time around, but looking at the success rates, my doctor told us, off the record, he doesn't think we should do Attain.  He has that much confidence in us getting pregnant from donor eggs, that he doesn't think it's worth the money.  "Whether you get pregnant in Texas, or get pregnant here, I will be excited for you guys.  That's my goal is to get you pregnant.  And if Texas can do it for $10,000 less, I'd be happy for you."

Gawd! I just want someone to tell me what to do.  I was talking to my dear friend, K who also has this shitty infertility sticker slapped on her, a couple nights ago and she made a good point.  I have an amazing doctor here.  My clinic has one of the best donor programs in the country.  That alone is worth the extra money.  "We knew going into this that having a baby will be expensive."  Eh. Can't argue with that.

So basically, we have an appointment with our clinic's psychologist, as we are required to meet with her prior to doing a donor program.  We will then fill out a personality form, turn it in, and will be put on the donor list.  We will still be free to pursue any other frozen treatments we wish.  But we could be waiting for a donor for 7 months.

That leads me into my last word-vomit.  I posted this on my Facebook page already, so apologies if I come off as a conceited bragger:  "So I can finally tell everyone about this now that things are being confirmed (because how embarrassing would THAT be if it didn't work out?). I was contacted a few weeks ago by an editor over at mom.me, asking me to be a paid weekly contributor to their site for a new series they are working on. You guys. Someone is going to PAY me to blab about my whorish ovaries on the Internet. This is so cool!"  I think it's set to begin at the end of July. 

Ahem.  So.  There you go.  THAT'S what I can do for 7 months while I wait around for eggs.  Write.  

As usual, I will keep you guys posted on what the phone consult from Texas brings on Monday.  Love to you all.

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