Guess What? I'm PUPO!

(Pregnant until proven otherwise, that is!)

It was weird driving to the clinic knowing that we would be coming home with an embryo.  Chris said he woke up at 5:00 am, unable to sleep because he was so excited.  I was in the bathroom getting ready when I started getting this weird feeling.  The embryo, I think it's a boy.  Don't ask me why.  It was a feeling.  

I got ready, nixed the makeup again because I wasn't supposed to wear powders.  I put on my lucky socks and my bracelet that was blessed that my cousin had given me, filled up my 32oz water bottle to start chugging at 10:15 and finish by 10:45.  

Then we were off! I took my Valium in the car and by the time we were sitting in the waiting room, I was starting to feel the effects.

 I figured by that time, we were in the clear and were good to go, that the embryo was still growing.  We were finally brought back to the procedure room and by that time I really had to pee!  You have to have a very full bladder and if you don't, they fill it for you.  We won't go there.  The nurse had both of us change into surgical attire before the doctor came in.

The same doctor we had for retrieval, Dr. C., came in to talk to us.  He said the embryo was supposed to be 6-8 cells and ours was 8. Also, for a 3-day transfer, they don't grade embryos like they do with a 5-day blastocyst.  These embryos are given scores from 1-4, with a 1 being the best and 4 being the worst. Ours was a 2.  So Dr. C. was really happy with that, which of course was a huge relief to me.

We then went to the surgical suite where I was for retrieval.  I got into the gurney and had my legs stuck into stirrups and a sheet (kind of) placed over me, but I could feel I was exposed to the world.  In front of me, there was this huge window, and I was told that that was the embryology lab and that my little embryo was in there, keeping warm.  I wanted to cry until six staff members from nurses to ultrasound techs to lab techs proceeded to parade in front of my lady business, prepping everything.  It was exciting.  The u/s tech was explaining who everyone was and what was going on.  Dr. C. came in and said he was going to do another trial transfer to make sure my uterus and all was in a good position.  I had the Valium in me and I totally had to pee, but it was all forgotten when I started watching on the screen.  The tech was showing me where the catheter was.  Chris was sitting on a stool by my side and was watching it all too.

"Look," she told me, "Watch! He's going to put the embryo in now!"

The embryo is microscopic, but she showed me the little fluid pouch where it was.  It was pretty amazing to watch.

See the arrow? That's pointing to the little blob of fluid where my embryo is now residing.  That long bright line is the catheter.  It was pretty cool.  I wish I could describe that feeling I had watching that happen, but it's hard to put into words.

I had to lie on the table for 10 minutes after before I could get up.  I was worried that I was going to be dying and begging for a bedpan, but I think I was just so excited.  Chris and I just talked quietly and marveled at what we had just saw.

The nurse came back and I was allowed to get up and pee.  Then we went to the recovery room where I had to lie flat for another half hour.

The lucky socks! From the same blogger friend who gave me my lightening bolt ones from retrieval.
 Then I got up, walked out to the car and Chris drove me home with me lying in the backseat.  I sent a few texts to my friends and family, letting them know how it went.  We got home and my best friend came over with a little care package.  Chris has been waiting on me hand and foot.  I have been laying on the couch, still in awe that I am technically pregnant.

Infertility has been 4 years of hell.  It has led to heartbreak, tears, jealousy, and anger.  It's a miracle I could come out of this unscathed.  And then I saw this picture.  How many people can say they have a picture of their child three days after conception?  I then realized who I was doing this for.  Not for me.  Not for Chris.  For this little one.  Take a look the most breathtakingly beautiful picture that has ever rendered me speechless:

Science has done all they could.  It's now up to my body to keep this little guy alive and thriving.  It may work.  It may not.  But for now, I am not going to focus on either.  I am not going to think about the weeks ahead of me.  I am going to live in this moment.  It doesn't matter right now if this little one doesn't stay.  I'm just going to enjoy the fact that there is life inside me.  Something I have never experienced.  Because right now, for just this moment in time, I am a mother.

Labels: , , , , , ,