Last night after I got home from work, Risa and I listened to the voicemail that the clinic left with our results. I have to give her mad props for having that voicemail on her phone for over four hours and not listening to it until I got there. That takes a ton of will power and its something that she has built up more and more going through this. After listening to the voicemail we went out to Granite City and this is what Risa ate:
As you can probably guess from the pictures of the Bedda Chedda Bacon Burger (mmmmm bacon) and the sangria, we found out her beta was negative. This 2WW for me was one of the worst ones that we have faced. We both felt confident with the timing of our 2 IUIs and this time Risa was getting a few more side effects than she had during the other two cycles which gave me more hope. It's funny how being tired all the time, having a few mood swings, and constant bloating can give anyone hope but it did. We also know a few other couples who were successful on their third IUI. All of these things helped to create a bit of wiggle room for that hope to setup in my heart (and I'm sure in her's too) that this time might be the one.
Unfortunately our BFP did not come but we are not yet done. Our journey continues on and this quote from my favorite Dr states why we continue to move forward. Doing things will be the only way that we can change this outcome which is why we scheduled two weeks ago an appointment with our real Dr to talk about what the next steps are later this month. New things will come and this quote helps to give me hope that change is on the horizon.
Lastly today while I was elbow deep in a spreadsheet at work listening to my iPod, a song came on that I feel is a really good song for us infertiles during this journey. The song is "Be Still" by the Fray (live version linked below) and the way it was written allows for it to take on so many different point of views. Today after having our negative beta, I listened to it under the context of Risa and I's journey together through this difficult times as anyone going through this knows how stressful infertility is on a relationship, even without Clomid induced rages. I then played it back again and the point of view that came to me was that of the child that is waiting and that we are waiting for. I think this view can also be shared with those who have also sadly lost their child to help give comfort as well. It's amazing how during times when you least expect it, your iPod seems to know exactly what you need to hear and provide that song that just sings home.
Labels: Beta, Chris' posts, Reasons infertility sucks, Two Week Wait