We thought you'd be here by now

 My baby,

We thought you'd be here by now.  I know you are still out there.  I can feel you.  We have a room picked out for you.  It's painted yellow.  It has a big closet, to store your football jerseys, or maybe your little pink pajamas.  We have a big backyard where you can run around with your dog, or play in your sandbox.  We live in a cul-de-sac, so I can rest assured that you can ride your bike away from traffic.  We are all ready for you.  We just thought you'd be here by now.

I wish you could see all the people in our life that are rooting for your birth.  Praying that someday you will show up.  You are going to be loved by so many people.  Grandma S is going to spoil you rotten.  Grandma K will make you your own quilt and Christmas stocking.  N and T will fight over who gets to be the favorite Auntie.  But you will have other Aunties too.  The women in Mommy's life that have been so very supportive when Mommy was scared she would never get to meet you.  I just thought you'd be here by now.

Daddy can't wait to see you.  He tells me all the time how he can't wait to lay you on his chest while you sleep.  Or stuff you in a carrier on his back to go hiking.  He wants to teach you how to play basketball.  He wants to show you how to treat a lady, or that girls can be anything boys can.  He has a harder time showing his feelings, but I know his heart is breaking from this wait.  He thought you'd be here by now.

Sometimes I wake up in the night and strain to hear you cry, or want to reach for you... but you aren't there.  There are times I am at the store and see a baby roll by in a stroller.  I want so desperately for it to be you.  I want to be the one with the sleeping child in the restaurant.  I want to go completely overboard buying baby clothes that Daddy shakes his head at.  Because you deserve it.  You deserve the world.  You are my great weakness.  My strongest addiction.  I would do anything for you.  I will subject my body to anything it takes if it means I get to meet you.  Because I thought you'd be here by now.

I see the world as it right now, and I think, how can I bring you into this mess?  I am going to want to shield you from all the bad stuff.  I want to protect you from anything that may cause you harm.  I also can't wait to watch you experience all the good that is out there.  I can't wait for you to see your first butterfly, or pet a soft animal.  I can't wait to hear you giggle when the grass tickles your feet.  Because amidst all the scary things, I know the world will be a beautiful place, because you will be here with us.

I promise, there hasn't been a day that I stopped wanting you.  I will always be your biggest cheerleader.  Your number one fan.  After all, I was fighting for you before you were even born.


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