Whew. First IUI of two is over. I was imagining it to feel as bad as when I had my HSG procedure a year ago. It definitely isn't sex, but at least it was over pretty quick. (Heh.)
The nurse started out by having me take my pants off. I wore my sexiest underwear just for this occasion. I have to take what I can get. I won't lie. I pranced around once for Chris. Trying to get him in the mood and all. I was nervous.
Chris came and stood by me while the nurse prepared everything. She showed me a syringe and I had to sign a form saying that the little vial was indeed contributed by my husband. Too bad it didn't say Channing Tatum. Why couldn't it have been Channing's by mistake?
|Ready to be injected with boatloads of sperm.|
"Your count is at 127 million," she explained, "So that's pretty good. We like the number to be over 20 million. And you are at 75% motility and we like it over 50%." She laughed when she saw my eyes dart to Chris, who by that time was puffing his chest out proudly.
I held his hand as she passed the catheter through the speculum, through my cervix, and into my uterus. Yes, I felt all of it. The nurse told me I may feel some cramping. Holymotherofgod. I'm not trying to be a baby. I just hate that feeling. I'm so glad Chris was there. It was just really uncomfortable. I think the whole thing took five minutes. Chris reminded me of that later. I reminded him that he wasn't the one in the stirrups.
Afterward, the nurse set a timer for ten minutes and told me when it went off that I could get down off the table. Of course because I couldn't do much, I suddenly felt the insane desire to cough, sneeze, laugh and pee all the same time. No way. Those 127, 000, 000 sperm were not leaving my body. To distract myself, I tried to focus on my extremely pissed off cervix cramping up. That, and wishing there was a picture of some hot guy's face stuck to the ceiling above me.
Afterward, we went to Lola's in Minneapolis for some pizza.
|Luckily this cat plate made me feel better.|
"You know, if you think about it, I had like six times the amount they were looking for," he bragged to me on the way home.
|Chris was still gloating about his sperm count.|
I have to admit, I was sitting there in the office beforehand thinking that 30 million would be a good number. Tomorrow we are going back in the morning for another round.
127 million sperm. In my body. One of those f--kers better fertilize my egg.
Labels: Doctor Appointment, IUI, lady business